growing up

[jabi]

Growing Up


25 SIGNS THAT YOU'VE GROWN UP

1. Your houseplants are alive, but you can't smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "break up."
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10. You're the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next
door won't turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You take naps.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning
of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset,
rather than settle, your stomach.
19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms
and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good s--- ."
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never
going to drink that much again."
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You have a "beginning" drink at home to save money before going
to a bar.
25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them
instead of asking "What the heck happened, Dude?"
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The Love Dress A woman stopped by unannounced at her son's house.She knocked on the door then immediately walked in. She was shockedto see her daughter-in-law laying on the couch, totally naked. Soft musicwas playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room. "What are you doing?" she asked. "I'm waiting for John to come home from work," the daughter-in-lawanswered.. "But you're naked!" The mother-in-law exclaimed. "This ismy love dress." The daughter-in-law explained. "Love dress? But you're naked!" "John loves me to wear this dress."She explained."It
excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantlybecomes romantic and ravages me for hours. He can't get enough of me". The mother-in-law left. When she got home she undressed, showered,put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and
laidon the couch waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally, her husband camehome. He walked in and saw her laying there so
provocatively. "What are you doing?" He asked. "This is my love dress," she whispered, sensually. "Needs ironing, " he said - "What's for
dinner?"
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The Cabby & the Nun

A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the very handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring.
He replies : "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you"
She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I?m sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that:
1) you have to be single and
2) you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, " Yes, I'm single and Catholic!
"Ok" the nun says. " pull into the next alley. "
The nun fulfils the cab driver?s fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.
When they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
"My dear child," said the nun, why are you crying?"
"Forgive me but I have sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."
The nun says, "that's ok. My name?s Kevin and I'm going to a fancy dress party."